


what breeds monsters

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Series: remember my last [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abandonment, Brotp, Dreams and Nightmares, Feels, Gen, Historical Hetalia, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, I just want to hold him and tell him everything's going to be alright, I'm Absolutely Horrible At Writing One-Shots, Monsters by Imagine Dragons, One Shot, Poor Canada, Serious, Songfic, Team Canada, my poor baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 20:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3222569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canada has been fading throughout history, and he eventually comes to think that the only two things that keep people's attention are fire and war.<br/>In the pursuit of remembrance Canada can feel himself turning into a monster and he has no idea how to save the country he used to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what breeds monsters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ClinicalChaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClinicalChaos/gifts).



> This is my first fic with Canada as the main character as well as my first historical fic, so please forgive me if this is bad.
> 
> Wow, this fic took quite a dark turn without me realizing it.
> 
> Also, playing the song while reading the story really gives you the mood. It's "Monsters" by Imagine Dragons.

_Ever since I could remember_

_Everything inside of me_

_Just wanted to fit in_

 

Once, a long time ago, I had been completely visible, and yet no one seemed to notice me. America was the attention-hogger, the one who got all of Britain's love and France's food. I was left behind to live in the north with fur traders and my pet polar bear who had already started forgetting my name.

So I begin to fade, a darkness seeping into my soul. The fear of being forgotten by everyone slowly creeps into my mind, overtaking my spirit.

 

_I was never one for pretenders_

_Everything I tried to be_

_Just wouldn't settle in_

 

I try to earn Britain and France's respect, but they don't even care.

France gives me over to Britain in 1763 without a second thought.

When America fights with Britain, I stay on the side of my new father, but Britain doesn't care. After the war Britain goes back to Europe to drink himself into a stupor, leaving me behind to wallow in feelings of abandonment and anger. 

They're all pretenders. They all take advantage of my helpfulness and sympathy with no intention but to forget about me in the end.

 

_If I told you what I was_

_Would you turn your back on me?_

_And if I seem dangerous_

_Would you be scared?_

 

I'm just as strong as my brothers, just as capable as America and Britain, but no one ever notices. I sit and wait, alone in the cold north, for someone to remember me and take me in.

But they never do. Maybe they can sense the turmoil inside of me and realize that I'm being torn apart by two opposing sides- French and British. Maybe they realize how close my mind is to the edge of insanity and they don't want to be near me for they're afraid that the same thing will happen to them.

 

_I get the feeling just because_

_Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

_That this problem lies in me_

 

I am too gullible for my own good and I know it. As soon as Britain asks for my help I jump at the chance to prove myself. Maybe Britain will see me as the little brother he should have paid attention to, the loyal one who will always be by his side. Maybe he'll remember this time.

But standing there in front of the burning White House, feeling the heat of the flames against my skin, I watch as my brother- my true brother, the only one who ever remembers me- breaks down in front of me, falling to his knees as the flickering flames reflect in his golden hair, turning him into something otherly, and eyes of cracked ice as tears coming streaming down his face. 

All I can feel is regret. I've chosen the wrong brother- I always have- and even though I have finally realized it I can do nothing but back up, turn, and walk away as silent tears fall down my cheeks.

I am turning into a monster. 

 

_I'm only a man with a candle to guide me_

_I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me_

 

I drift for the next few decades. No purpose,  no dreams, just demons. Just one light at the end of the tunnel. I have no idea what it was or why I am aiming for it, but I know one thing- I want to follow in America's footsteps. I can't depend on anyone except for myself.

After all, if no one has ever remembered to help me in the past then why should I depend on them now?

 

_A monster, A monster_

_I've turned into a monster_

_A monster, A monster_

_And it keeps getting stronger_

 

I begin to rebel, feeling the demons inside of me getting stronger. I push back against Britain in 1837 and the Parliament buildings burn.

Another fire that leads to nothing.

Another spark that dies out before turning into a raging inferno of rebellion.

Another horrible, monstrous demon to attach onto my endless list of failed dreams. 

 

_Can I clear my conscience,_

_If I'm different from the rest,_

 

I know I am different. I could jump in front of people and scream my head off and no one would notice me.

**Why can't anyone ever remember me?**

The only two things that keep people's attention on me and keep them remembering me are fire and war.

 

_Do I have to run and hide?_

_I never said I want this,_

 

I'm surrounded by powerful countries. I have more land than anyone but Russia, yet I am smaller than most others in size.

I still want power and independence, though. I want to stand with these other nations on that platform above the world, a single dark flame amongst brilliant suns.

 

_This burden came to me,_

_And it made its home inside_

 

A world away a man is shot and I am pulled into World War I. Fighting in the trenches among France and Britain for three long, seemingly endless, bitter years, hardens me.

No matter how bad it is in the battlefield, I still prefer it to peacetime. I know that sound horrible but it's the truth. During war I'm noticed- I'm a useful ally and that makes me worth remembering. 

Not to mention the endless gunfire. Ever since the war with my brother I have held fire in a dual regard- both as something to hate and something to desire. It burns with a passion and is never forgotten for it is too dangerous to leave unattended.

I want to be that powerful. 

 

_If I told you what I was_

_Would you turn your back on me?_

_And if I seem dangerous_

 

The war is over. We are returning to peacetime and that means anonymity for me. Forgotten, abandoned, unloved.

I see the other countries falling in love with each other. I want that as well but I'm too damaged. I'm pretty sure I cannot trust anyone fully ever again. I've been hurt too much in the past- if my heart gets hurt anymore I'll break and go insane like Belarus.

My current monsters are enough.

 

_Would you be scared?_

_I get the feeling just because_

_Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

_That this problem lies in me_

 

I have a fight with my brother in 1931. A tariff war, the world calls it.

To me it's a tear in the thread that binds me with the last person who cares.

The darkness is falling again, but if America forgets me then I don't know what I'll do.

 

_I'm only a man with a candle to guide me_

_I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me_

 

Another war, and this time I'm fighting with a different motive in my heart. The last time I fought alongside Britain because I wanted to prove myself, to be wanted and cherished, but this time I'm doing it to escape the demons and monsters that plague me.

I'm taking a stand against Germany and hoping, praying that I might finally have the chance to escape my monsters.

Maybe if I can get rid of my monsters I'll be able to be remembered again. Unlikely, not even remotely probable, but...maybe. just maybe. 

 

_A monster, A monster_

_I've turned into a monster_

 

The atomic bomb falls and the very foundations of the world are shaken. Here is a weapon that can be used to wipe out an entire city. 

The fire burns in a mushroom cloud, radioactive gazes mixed with a huge explosion. I'm once again reminded of the attraction of fire- everyone pays attention to America after the bomb is dropped.

But I'm also reminded of the fear, the primal, raw, terror of fire. I'm still a demon on the inside, but now America is one on the outside.

I'm not the only monster.

 

_A monster, A monster_

_And it keeps getting stronger_

 

Britain doesn't see it. I've learned how to control it, my inner love for fire and war. When my independence comes, it's docile and tame compared to America's. A few negotiations,  a few signatures, and _voila_ , I finally am completely free from Britain.

But the monsters aren't getting any better. Though my control of them is, the demons and nightmares are merely getting stronger. I take it all in silence, not causing any scenes, and no one notices the demons building inside of me.

 

_I'm only a man with a candle to guide me_

_I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me_

 

That light at the end of the road is growing dim. The cold war was just that- an eternal winter that smothered us all. My brother finally found love in Britain, and I'm happy for him, but we're both still monsters. Britain can't change that anymore than he could stop us from breaking off his hold, from going our own ways.

Even still, I'm jealous. There is no one who loves me like Britain and America do each other. I am alone in my cold, dark world, save for that bear I can never remember the name of.

Where has the fire gone?

 

_A monster, A monster_

_I've turned into a monster_

 

The monsters are still inside me. I hang out on the edges of the World Conferences in order to draw less attention, but I think America notices.

And he doesn't care anymore. He never talks to me and rarely notices when I'm gone. The world has changed so much since those carefree childhood days when we loved and cared for each other, when we both acknowledged each other's existences and neither of us were a monster.

I don't think we're ever going to be able to make it back to that. Though the candlelight at the end of our tunnels beckons, the call of the fire and the war might be too strong to resist.

And the monsters will be waiting.

 

_A monster, A monster_

_And it keeps getting stronger_.

**Author's Note:**

> Might be adding some edits in. If I end up writing a second one it will probably be America with "I Lived" by Imagine Dragons or "Viva la Vida" or "Fix You" by Coldplay for Britain or "Awake and Alive" by Skillet for Romano or "Marching On" by OneRepublic or "This is War" by Thirty Seconds to Mars for practically anyone. I want to try to find the perfect song for each country in order to write more.
> 
> Also, I have a Chibitalia surprise hidden up my sleeve.
> 
> Please leave a comment if any of these ideas sound good or any constructive criticism on my story.
> 
> Okay, so I know this looks desperate but PLEASE COMMENT! I need advice!


End file.
